Dearest Yuki, I apologize for not replying to your gracious offer sooner. We were entirely aware of it, however it was most difficult to come to a consensus about what we ought to ask you. There is a significant conflict of interest in the club, we all want rather different bits of information. Some of the questions they insist upon asking are not appropriate, and if it were not for my duty to accede to the masses, I would not include them at all.
As is, there will be a special section for such questions, and you will not be required to answer them. However, I must warn you that if you do not satisfy their curiosity, some members may continue to scour your blog for clues. I certainly will not do so, and I will inform my club that they are banned, but it's not as if I set up surveillance equipment in their homes. If I had surveillance equipment, I certainly wouldn't waste it on them.
Here we go.
1) What is the most defining event in your life?
2) What is your favorite book, and why?
3) What sort of music do you listen to?
4) We are under the impression that you haven't always lived in the same place. What was your old home like? Why did you move? Which do you like better?
5) What is your favorite food?
6) Tell us a little about your medical history. (No specifics, we're not stalking you, we just heard you weren't especially healthy as a child, so we're curious as to what that was about.)
7) Can you honestly say that you don't resent Yuki Akamatsu for pouring chocolate milk on your head in middle school, or Rie Nishikawa for 'that terrible thing that she did that she will not speak of'? (I have no idea what she did, but I do remember hearing about an incident in which you were jumped and beaten by someone because his girlfriend told him to? This being before you acquired your skills in martial arts of course, no one could ever do that to you now...er. Please explain this further.)
8) Do you smoke, drink, or take drugs, or plan on doing any of these things when you enter college?
9) Where do you think you will go to college? What will you study? How will this tie into your plans for the future, and what are those, exactly?
10) Have you ever been in therapy?
Coming up are the sex-related questions, which as I stated above, you are under no obligation to answer. However, it may be in your best interest to do so. Please judge for yourself.
1) What do you like in a woman? What attracts you? (If you are, in fact, homosexual, please reply replacing 'woman' with 'man.')
2) Are you homosexual?
3) Are you a virgin? If not, how experienced are you? If so, why? (You could be having constant sex if you wanted to, so we know it's not a lack of opportunity.)
4) How often do you masturbate? (Daily? Weekly? More than once a day?)
5) Are you attracted to Miss Honda?
6) If you had to date/have sex with/kiss/marry/have babies with any members of the fan club, who would you choose, and for what reason?
That concludes our interview. I apologize for any questions that you find objectionable, especially the final section. Please answer quickly, the club is growing rather restless.
~Motoko Minegawa
I recieved this email from the president of my greatly-undesired fanclub several days ago. In response to the email, I contacted her personally and set a date for the club to meet on and discuss these issues in a one-time exclusive interview--May 1oth. That was yesterday.
I am still trying to recover.
Every single one of these questions left me thinking, "None of your business." They were all so personal--I should have expected nothing better from these shallow, aggressive females that have been obsessed with me for going on three years now (why is no one in this world capable of simply loving me? It always has to be obsession), but really how could I have prepared myself for a dissection so brutal? There are things I would rather not discuss with anyone--not with myself, not with God--if he even exists, or if anything does--and wouldn't you know it, every single one of those things that brings me to the verge of tears each time I think of it, those are all of the things these strange girls wanted to discuss with me. Oh. I'm sorry. Did I say discuss? How about interrogate? There we go, I can still tell the truth after yesterday. I didn't lose all of myself in that ridiculous facade.
The most defining event in my life? When Akito beat the shit out of me for the first time and I realized that the word LOVE is one that cannot ever, ever, under any circumstances be trusted. What I told them? The day I visited a sick kid in the hospital and realized that every single one of us has been put on this earth for a reason--to help others.
ha ha ha ha
My favorite book? I don't have one. I hate to read anything that isn't homework--I like homework. I like to read stuff that teaches me how to do new things sometimes, but given the choice, I'd choose gardening or sleeping over research any day. And on the days when I do feel like studying more, on top of my own and everybody else's work that I'm already doing, there has not yet been any one book that was so good that I'd call it my favorite. So...to make things simple, I hate to read. What I told them? Ayn Rand's Anthem, because of it's deep, philosophical studies of human nature.
Fuck human nature. It's human nature that gave me the scars up and down my back. It's Ayn Rand's precious sense of individuality that keeps me up every night screaming inside: Why me?
The lie sounded better, didn't it?
What sort of music do I listen to? I'll admit, I was stumped on that one. I wanted to give a really obscure answer so that I could please everyone--that just wasn't possible considering how many different girls there were in that room; they all listened to something different, and they were all waiting for me to say that I liked their kind of music so that they could feel that we had something in common. I don't have anything in common with them. I ended up telling them all that I liked all kinds of music, anything was okay with me, but if I had to choose a favorite genre I'd go with classical because it was so beautiful and peaceful and soothing. Truthfully? I can't stand classical music. That's all Akito ever listened to and I can't take the reminders.
The fourth question on their little questionarre had me reeling: We are under the impression that you haven't always lived at the same place. What was your old home like? Why did you move? Which do you like better?
Which do I like better indeed...Well, let's see girls, are you talking about my old home with my mother or my old home with Akito? Let me just sit you down and tell you all about my screwed- up childhood so you can ooh and ahh over me and feel sorry for me on the outside but secretly despise me for not being normal like you.
My old home with my mother, when she was never there--and when she was, would lock me in the closet or force me onto my brother, who didn't want me either, so that she didn't have to deal with me? My old home with my absent mother and my absent father, the former of which was always at some party or charity event, the latter of which was always away on business? The home where I was left repeatedly in the care of a boy who was too busy trying on our mother's lipstick and slutting himself out to the neighborhood boys to fix me something to eat when I was hungry? Oh yes, I have fond memories there.
Let's move on though and talk about the guardian after her, the one she sold me to. For money, for trinkets, for family heirlooms and ill-gained respect. The guardian that I loved more than my own life, my own sanity and happiness, who cooed over me and gave me hugs and kisses and presents, and all the attention I'd ever been missing--only to turn around a second later and beat me nearly to death for walking outside without his permission. The guardian that did countless numbers of unspeakable, unforgivable things to me that I will never, ever talk about to any living soul and that I should certainly not have to tell to any stupid smitten fangirl just to satisfy her fleeting fucking curiosity.
But what about the house I live in now? Where I'm treated mostly like a normal person, not some angel or worm or alien freak, but just a normal, unsoiled human being? Yeah, I'd say I like my current situation the best.
But of course that's none of their business and I wasn't about to open up and tell them all about it. I told them I'd lived with my parents up until a few months ago and am now living with my cousin while my old house is being renovated. Thank you Miss Honda, for that handy excuse. I like both living situations very well, I said, but of course I can't wait to go home.
My favorite food, they asked? "Pizza. Oh, definitely pizza. I am a glutton when it comes to pizza." Truthfully? I never touch that greasy, gooey stuff. I'd get so fat if I did! What is my real favorite food? Well, I love all sorts of fruit and vegetables. I'm also a big fan of any kind of cheese--which, unfortunately I can't eat anymore since I noticed it was making me gain weight like crazy. One day I had some cheese and some rice crackers for a snack--when I got on the scale the next day, I saw that I'd gained fourteen ounces--that's nearly a pound!
My medical history? Well, they already knew a little bit about that one. I just told them I'd had a minor case of asthma since I was a child, nothing to worry about. I didn't tell them about my frequent bouts of pneumonia, and all the time that I spent hooked up to a respirator because I couldn't breathe on my own because of various lung problems that I had. "Why did your doctor come in to school that one day if it wasn't a big deal then?" One smart, sneaky girl enquired. I smiled politely and told her that Hatori is a family doctor and he tends to worry over things that don't matter, and that he's also extremely anal about people missing appointments since it throws off his entire schedule. Which is the truth. He is anal, for those reasons and more. That's probably why he can't stand to be around Akito so much, who freaks out if you put red flowers in a red vase because "The color scheme is being disrespected!"
What the hell? Who respects a color scheme?!
Do I resent Akamatsu and Nishikawa for those terrible things they did to me? Of course I resent it! I think about it every day! Especially Rie Nishikawa, that lunatic...she had her boyfriend--whom she'd been planning to break up with anyway, except things didn't go according to plan--jump me after school one day (this was in elementary school! That freak was obsessed with me even back then!) because I refused, very politely I might add, to go out with her.
For the hundredth time she'd asked me! She finally decided to use persuasion of a different method, and boy do I remember that--I actually did have some martial arts training, even back in those days, although dancing was my main physical activity (ballet--I will never forgive Akito for that; my mother was bad enough with insisting that I take jazz and tap when I was freaking four years old) I got my ass kicked that day because I...laughably, I know...honestly thought that Akito had dragged himself out of bed that day and limped over to the school (he was going through chemo for one of his cancer bouts then) just to kick my ass for the fun of it...I knew I hadn't actually done anything to deserve it--hell, I'd given him a backrub the night before and spent hours cleaning our room to his satisfaction, finally earning the kisses I'd been craving.
So yeah, I had panicked and allowed myself to be beaten. So would anyone if they seriously thought that Akito was the one hitting them--I curled into a little ball on the pavement and let him kick the crap out of me, and finally figured out that it wasn't Akito because he wasn't telling me off for some stupid minor thing while he did it--when I looked up and saw Nishikawa's boyfriend standing there...well, I must have looked pretty pissed off 'cause he beat feet pretty quick.
Smoke, drink, take drugs...No! I'm not stupid. I told them as much. That one was easy.
Where will I go to college...I don't even remember what I told them. I rattled off the name of some prestigious school and said I wanted to be a doctor so that I could help save people like that poor little kid in the hospital who'd changed my life forever. Honestly? I have no clue, I'm still trying to get used to the sensation of freedom. It probably won't last for long.
Have I ever been in therapy? No, I said, truthfully. And I don't plan on being, either. First of all, I don't need it. Second of all, I don't want it. Why should I talk about what happened to me as a child? Talking is pointless, the only thing it can do is hurt you.
And now, on to the section that reeeally pissed me off. Really. There was almost blood. Good thing I was able to answer all of them at once quite easily. I told them I was asexual. Not interested in sex, not interested in dating, not with anyone, not ever. "Why?" The outcry was deafening. "It just doesn't sound like something I'd want to do. It doesn't interest me at all." I said. Of course that brought up a lot more invasive questions like, "Have you considered the fact that you might be gay and that you're just in denial?" and "Have you had your heart broken and sworn off love forever?" Oddly enough, that last one stung a little bit. Of course I told them "No, no. It's nothing like that. I just honestly don't see any appeal in being with anyone of either sex. I don't need it and I don't want it."
Then...there was this incredibly awkward moment where one of the fangirls--I can't remember her name right now, there are sooo many of them--flashed me. Just to see my reaction. That...was interesting. Really, for the half-second that I saw her breasts before tastefully covering my eyes, they were quite interesting--a lovely shape. Perky. I quickly realized that dwelling on it would call my asexual claim into question. Not that I wanted to have sex with her. Just study her, maybe. She was a fine female specimen. I found the idea of dissecting her very appealing. Maybe that was because I was angry with her, though.
Sex? What to say about sex? I hate sex. I hate the idea of sex. In my humble opinion, so much pleasure should not be allowed to exist inside of one single act with one person that most of the time is just...not right. So, maybe I'm not asexual by nature. Maybe I'm straight, or gay, or bi or something. I'm so screwed up at this point that I don't even know. But I am certainly asexual by choice. I never plan to have sex.
Ever.
They asked me a few other embarrassing, pointless questions. I was quite grateful by the time the interview was over. Really, they say that females are supposed to be the more dignified sex. There was so much perversion and mindless giggling in that room that I believe that theory may have to be called into question.
Right now, I am thinking about eating something but I don't really want to go downstairs because I don't want to see anyone. I hate people. To anyone who didn't know, I really, truly hate people and might possibly rejoice if I never saw another person ever again.
And to any fangirl that has decided to disrespect my very-clearly-stated wishes by still reading this blog after I sacrificed an hour of my life for that ridiculous interview, know this: I am so tired of caring what you think about me. I am so tired of going to school and having you and your shallow friends gossiping about how cute and smart and talented I am. You don't know me. Even if you read this entire entry that I've just posted, you do not know even a fraction of what there is to know about me, and no matter how much you read you never will. I don't like you because you're dishonest and you're going behind my back and doing what I so nicely asked you not to, and you don't deserve to be my classmate much less my girlfriend--not because I think I'm better than you, but because I think that you have demonstrated that you are incapable of using even the most basic of courtesies, by breaking your word and reading this blog.
That said, fuck you.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Oh, joy. I'm a human being like everyone else. So you should worship me because... that makes oh so much sense.
Well, I'm still waiting for a reply from my beloved fanclub. -`-
Until then, I might as well drop a little more bait:
For breakfast today I had steamed rice, natto and tamagoyaki. Yum.
I use Yuzu Shikai all-natural hand and body lotion before going to bed each night.
I hate for the volume on the stereo to fall on an odd number.
Want to know anything else about me, girls? Gee, maybe you should consider the interview in place of reading this page, huh?
You are all amazing. Thank you for your undeserved dedication. See you in school tomorrow.
~"The Prince"
Until then, I might as well drop a little more bait:
For breakfast today I had steamed rice, natto and tamagoyaki. Yum.
I use Yuzu Shikai all-natural hand and body lotion before going to bed each night.
I hate for the volume on the stereo to fall on an odd number.
Want to know anything else about me, girls? Gee, maybe you should consider the interview in place of reading this page, huh?
You are all amazing. Thank you for your undeserved dedication. See you in school tomorrow.
~"The Prince"
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Ask Me What You Want...For a Price.
Dearest Yuki,
My humblest apologies, but Akamatsu and Soseki brought up the topic before I ever had a chance to see your viewpoint. While it should have been apparent that you'd want your privacy, we were blinded by our love for you, which inspires curiosity. We have seen your current entries and have discussed them at length, and for that I am deeply sorry. I shall inform the club that you do not wish this to continue, and hopefully it will cease--however, if you put something on the Internet, you run the risk of people seeing it, and I cannot control the actions of every member of my club.
If I had that ability, you would not have received those emails in the first place, particularly not the one by Soseki. Not only does it go against several club rules, it was also extremely disrespectful. Please know that her actions were not at all condoned by me or by the Prince Yuki Fan Club. Soseki will be dealt with, and once again, I am truly sorry. If there is anything I can do to make it up to you, please don't hesitate to ask.
~Motoko Minegawa
This email, sent to me by the UPYFC President about a week ago, expresses her intentions to insure my privacy. I realize however, that not all members of the club will be willing to give up viewing my blog; for this reason, I am willing to offer a trade:
Any member of the club that is reading this now, please inform Motoko-san that I am willing to offer the entire fanclub a brief interview in exchange for my continued privacy. Thank you.
~Souma Yuki
My humblest apologies, but Akamatsu and Soseki brought up the topic before I ever had a chance to see your viewpoint. While it should have been apparent that you'd want your privacy, we were blinded by our love for you, which inspires curiosity. We have seen your current entries and have discussed them at length, and for that I am deeply sorry. I shall inform the club that you do not wish this to continue, and hopefully it will cease--however, if you put something on the Internet, you run the risk of people seeing it, and I cannot control the actions of every member of my club.
If I had that ability, you would not have received those emails in the first place, particularly not the one by Soseki. Not only does it go against several club rules, it was also extremely disrespectful. Please know that her actions were not at all condoned by me or by the Prince Yuki Fan Club. Soseki will be dealt with, and once again, I am truly sorry. If there is anything I can do to make it up to you, please don't hesitate to ask.
~Motoko Minegawa
This email, sent to me by the UPYFC President about a week ago, expresses her intentions to insure my privacy. I realize however, that not all members of the club will be willing to give up viewing my blog; for this reason, I am willing to offer a trade:
Any member of the club that is reading this now, please inform Motoko-san that I am willing to offer the entire fanclub a brief interview in exchange for my continued privacy. Thank you.
~Souma Yuki
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
To My Devoted Fans...
Hi, girls. I recieved your emails this morning. First off, I'd like to thank you for your concern for me. It is very sweet that you care enough about me to offer such heartfelt advice. I will now address each message individually.
Hina Soseki
to yuki the hot sexy beasthi. u probably don kno me but i am in ur class at school. i was doing my usual internet-stalking thing this morning and i found ur blog. which is really emo btw, but i guess if that's how u feel then wutever. n.e way i am in ur fanclbu at school which pretty much means i want to get in ur pants haha. j/k but not really u could do me if u want. um. what else to say. u are pretty much the hottest thing ever, i masturbate to a pic of you every night and when i kiss my boyfriend i pertend hes u. don tell him that haha. n.e way so liek, u hav serious issues. i think u are crazy but that maeks u more sexxy so don wory to much. just maybe see a pski...psychi...wtf i cant spell. yeah.i wil send u a naked pic of me if i ever get a camra. my mom wont buy me one til my grads get beter, sry. o b4 i go my frend wants to say sumthing. she dosnt have internet, so she cant do it herself. her nam is akamatsu yuki and she thinks cos her nam is also yuki she is mad 4 u but i am much hotter. she is a a cup bra an i am a b cup and she is also fat and ha s aweird nose.also that clas u sed is relly borin i cant belive u studid at all i didnt its a waste of time. soseki hina
Dear Hina-san,
I find your attentions flattering. Really, I don't know what to say. No one has ever come right out and told me that I am their greatest masturbatory fantasy--as kind as it is of you to think so highly of me, I must also confess that I find your honesty causes me to feel a little bit awkward. Please, if you don't mind, refrain from being so graphic in future messages. I prefer to treat you as the wonderful lady you are, and not as a soft-porn actress. For this same reason, I must ask you to not send me a nude photo of yourself, or of anyone else. I wish for your dignity to remain intact. If you are given a camera someday, I hope that you will put it to better use.
As for the matter of your theory that I am crazy, I assure you that is not the case. I have merely been a little stressed as of late, and I have some odd ways of showing it. Please don't spread around that I have mental issues of any kind, because that is really not true at all. I tend to be overdramatic at times, and things in my life are really not as bad as they seem to have been portrayed on this blog. I hope you will forgive my exaggerations. There is no cause for concern, and I hope that you have not wasted much of your time worrying about it.
I also feel that I should remind you, Hina-san, that beauty comes from the inside. You and your friend Yuki are both beautiful girls because of the loving hearts that you possess. Your self-worth is not determined by the shape of your bodies or of your facial features. In this difficult transitory stage between childhood and adulthood, I hope that you will support your female friends in their struggles with their self-images and that they will do the same for you.
The last issue I would like to address is the importance of your schoolwork. I agree with you wholeheartedly that Psychology is boring, and that, perhaps in the long run, it is a waste of time. The bottom line is though, that grades add up and even a class as apparently insignificant as high school-level Psychology can seriously affect your chances of being accepted into any respectable university. My advice to you is to seriously apply yourself to your classes for the next few years as the chances of your dreams coming true is very much dependent upon how well you do in all of them.
Thank you for your kind attention, Hina-san.
Sincerely,
Souma Yuki, Student Body President.
HI!!! My name is Yuki just like yours, and it's excellent to meet you! I've been in love with you practically since middle school--I hope you don't remember me from then though, I sort of spilled chocolate milk on your head...I wasn't very nice back then, I didn't really know how else to get someone's attention...ahhh, I'm sorry about that, I really am! You've probably totally forgotten, I just had to get that off my chest--anyway! It's great to talk to you, I've never ever had the nerve to in school, I know I should but you're just so BEAUTIFUL its hard not to get nervous! I guess maybe guys don't like to hear that they're beautiful but you ARE and it's not a bad thing!! You shouldn't worry about your weight or how much you eat or anything like that because you are absolutely, 100% PERFECT. You also don't have to worry about missing a few points on the test or your past or anything like that because you are absolutely amazing and everyone loves you (especially ME) and you should just be HAPPY! There's no reason for someone as wonderful as you to be unhappy! Anyway I have to go now, Hina and I are heading off to a fanclub meeting now!! We're going to show your blog to the whole club, I'm sure you won't mind. LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!~Akamatsu Yuki
Dear Yuki-san,
Ironically, I do remember the incident you mentioned. I assure you that I bear no ill feelings toward you because of it. We all have our own ways of dealing with a need for attention, and your methods are not by any means strange considering your age at the time. I was never angry with you. I do hope however, that the event will not be repeated!
Thank you so much for your encouragement. I am very pleased that you think so much of me. I am really not as wonderful as you say, but it is always nice to hear that one is valued.
As for the matter of my weight, I would just like to say that I don't have a problem with it. I'm not sure what would have led you to believe that I have concerns about my weight--if it was the comment posted about my being sick, well, I just had an upset stomach for a couple of days. I don't think that is unusual. :)
Do you really think I'm thin enough? How nice of you to say I am perfect. I reiterate, I don't have a problem with my weight, I do however wonder if by "perfect" you mean "thin" or perhaps "perfectly thin". Just curious.
Those "few points" as you said are very important to me. I don't expect you to understand it. I don't expect that it will make sense to you at all, but I must not miss any more points in the future. It is very important to me that that does not happen.
Thank you for your reassurance, though.
Lastly, I must request that my blog not be a topic of conversation in future fanclub meetings. Thank you.
You are a very kind person. I will forever appreciate the time you have taken to remind me of my good qualities. There are really not very many of them, though! I am not so wonderful a person as people would have me believe. I am not beautiful, and not very clever either. Thank you for saying so, however. It makes me very happy. :) Please spend your valuable time admiring someone more worthy, though. For instance, you; if I were half as kind as you, I would have achieved a lot more by now!
Sincerely,
Souma Yuki, your Student Body President.
Now that both of these messages have been addressed individually, I would like to make a formal request to Mitoko Minegawa, the President of the unofficial Prince Yuki Fanclub. Minegawa-san, please make it known to the rest of the club that I do not wish for anyone from school to view my blog entries any longer. I am very grateful for all that the club has done for me, but please understand that my privacy is very valuable to me. I mean no offense to any member of the club, least of all yourself, but please, for the sake of my own comfort, let it be known to all who are concerned that I need to have something that is mine alone. Should this request be disregarded, I shall have to consider changing my blog address and taking steps to conceal my identity. You are very kind, though; I am sure you will honor this request. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Souma Yuki. One who loves you all, but wishes very much to be left alone.
Hina Soseki
to yuki the hot sexy beasthi. u probably don kno me but i am in ur class at school. i was doing my usual internet-stalking thing this morning and i found ur blog. which is really emo btw, but i guess if that's how u feel then wutever. n.e way i am in ur fanclbu at school which pretty much means i want to get in ur pants haha. j/k but not really u could do me if u want. um. what else to say. u are pretty much the hottest thing ever, i masturbate to a pic of you every night and when i kiss my boyfriend i pertend hes u. don tell him that haha. n.e way so liek, u hav serious issues. i think u are crazy but that maeks u more sexxy so don wory to much. just maybe see a pski...psychi...wtf i cant spell. yeah.i wil send u a naked pic of me if i ever get a camra. my mom wont buy me one til my grads get beter, sry. o b4 i go my frend wants to say sumthing. she dosnt have internet, so she cant do it herself. her nam is akamatsu yuki and she thinks cos her nam is also yuki she is mad 4 u but i am much hotter. she is a a cup bra an i am a b cup and she is also fat and ha s aweird nose.also that clas u sed is relly borin i cant belive u studid at all i didnt its a waste of time. soseki hina
Dear Hina-san,
I find your attentions flattering. Really, I don't know what to say. No one has ever come right out and told me that I am their greatest masturbatory fantasy--as kind as it is of you to think so highly of me, I must also confess that I find your honesty causes me to feel a little bit awkward. Please, if you don't mind, refrain from being so graphic in future messages. I prefer to treat you as the wonderful lady you are, and not as a soft-porn actress. For this same reason, I must ask you to not send me a nude photo of yourself, or of anyone else. I wish for your dignity to remain intact. If you are given a camera someday, I hope that you will put it to better use.
As for the matter of your theory that I am crazy, I assure you that is not the case. I have merely been a little stressed as of late, and I have some odd ways of showing it. Please don't spread around that I have mental issues of any kind, because that is really not true at all. I tend to be overdramatic at times, and things in my life are really not as bad as they seem to have been portrayed on this blog. I hope you will forgive my exaggerations. There is no cause for concern, and I hope that you have not wasted much of your time worrying about it.
I also feel that I should remind you, Hina-san, that beauty comes from the inside. You and your friend Yuki are both beautiful girls because of the loving hearts that you possess. Your self-worth is not determined by the shape of your bodies or of your facial features. In this difficult transitory stage between childhood and adulthood, I hope that you will support your female friends in their struggles with their self-images and that they will do the same for you.
The last issue I would like to address is the importance of your schoolwork. I agree with you wholeheartedly that Psychology is boring, and that, perhaps in the long run, it is a waste of time. The bottom line is though, that grades add up and even a class as apparently insignificant as high school-level Psychology can seriously affect your chances of being accepted into any respectable university. My advice to you is to seriously apply yourself to your classes for the next few years as the chances of your dreams coming true is very much dependent upon how well you do in all of them.
Thank you for your kind attention, Hina-san.
Sincerely,
Souma Yuki, Student Body President.
HI!!! My name is Yuki just like yours, and it's excellent to meet you! I've been in love with you practically since middle school--I hope you don't remember me from then though, I sort of spilled chocolate milk on your head...I wasn't very nice back then, I didn't really know how else to get someone's attention...ahhh, I'm sorry about that, I really am! You've probably totally forgotten, I just had to get that off my chest--anyway! It's great to talk to you, I've never ever had the nerve to in school, I know I should but you're just so BEAUTIFUL its hard not to get nervous! I guess maybe guys don't like to hear that they're beautiful but you ARE and it's not a bad thing!! You shouldn't worry about your weight or how much you eat or anything like that because you are absolutely, 100% PERFECT. You also don't have to worry about missing a few points on the test or your past or anything like that because you are absolutely amazing and everyone loves you (especially ME) and you should just be HAPPY! There's no reason for someone as wonderful as you to be unhappy! Anyway I have to go now, Hina and I are heading off to a fanclub meeting now!! We're going to show your blog to the whole club, I'm sure you won't mind. LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!~Akamatsu Yuki
Dear Yuki-san,
Ironically, I do remember the incident you mentioned. I assure you that I bear no ill feelings toward you because of it. We all have our own ways of dealing with a need for attention, and your methods are not by any means strange considering your age at the time. I was never angry with you. I do hope however, that the event will not be repeated!
Thank you so much for your encouragement. I am very pleased that you think so much of me. I am really not as wonderful as you say, but it is always nice to hear that one is valued.
As for the matter of my weight, I would just like to say that I don't have a problem with it. I'm not sure what would have led you to believe that I have concerns about my weight--if it was the comment posted about my being sick, well, I just had an upset stomach for a couple of days. I don't think that is unusual. :)
Do you really think I'm thin enough? How nice of you to say I am perfect. I reiterate, I don't have a problem with my weight, I do however wonder if by "perfect" you mean "thin" or perhaps "perfectly thin". Just curious.
Those "few points" as you said are very important to me. I don't expect you to understand it. I don't expect that it will make sense to you at all, but I must not miss any more points in the future. It is very important to me that that does not happen.
Thank you for your reassurance, though.
Lastly, I must request that my blog not be a topic of conversation in future fanclub meetings. Thank you.
You are a very kind person. I will forever appreciate the time you have taken to remind me of my good qualities. There are really not very many of them, though! I am not so wonderful a person as people would have me believe. I am not beautiful, and not very clever either. Thank you for saying so, however. It makes me very happy. :) Please spend your valuable time admiring someone more worthy, though. For instance, you; if I were half as kind as you, I would have achieved a lot more by now!
Sincerely,
Souma Yuki, your Student Body President.
Now that both of these messages have been addressed individually, I would like to make a formal request to Mitoko Minegawa, the President of the unofficial Prince Yuki Fanclub. Minegawa-san, please make it known to the rest of the club that I do not wish for anyone from school to view my blog entries any longer. I am very grateful for all that the club has done for me, but please understand that my privacy is very valuable to me. I mean no offense to any member of the club, least of all yourself, but please, for the sake of my own comfort, let it be known to all who are concerned that I need to have something that is mine alone. Should this request be disregarded, I shall have to consider changing my blog address and taking steps to conceal my identity. You are very kind, though; I am sure you will honor this request. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Souma Yuki. One who loves you all, but wishes very much to be left alone.
Friday, March 16, 2007
My life is comprised of random, humiliating moments.
I ate too much on Monday night.
I couldn't help it. I was upset. I got an A- on my psychology test instead of an A+ because I only studied for three hours, instead of four; I hate that class! I hate psychology. How am I supposed to understand or even care what is going on inside of some nutcase's head? Why are high school students expected to take a class that belongs in a college curriculum? I have enough to worry about in my stressful life, without worrying about things like Displacement Theory and the development of multiple identities. Studying for that class is like studying the guillotine that is to be present at my own execution. I'd really rather not.
When I got the test back, this horrible plummeting feeling took place in my stomach. I thought I was going to puke right there all over the desk in front of my entire fanclub. Somehow, I managed to smile and slip the test into my folder before anybody could see it. I managed to get through the rest of the day acting like everything was fine.
Inwardly, my mind was reeling. Akito's voice was in my head saying, "How could you have failed to remember the thirty-fourth line of that sonnet when we've already gone over it six times? You'll never develop completely if you can't recite poetry that actually means something." My mother's voice was saying, "Bad boy! No cookies until after dinner!" That fangirl's voice was saying, "You think you're better than everyone else, don't you?!" And strangely enough, the stupid cat's voice was in there too, saying, "You think you're so special, but you're really not."
I had to run to the bathroom and throw up everything I'd eaten for lunch. Then, I went home and had two helpings of Miss Honda's cooking--although I knew it would make me gain weight like crazy. I had the urge to puke again afterwards, but I tried not to give in to it because it feels too much like overdosing on painkillers--I'm not sure why.
I went to bed early--I was so depressed that I couldn't even concentrate on my homework, which would normally have been utterly fascinating; it was advanced microbiology, one of my favorite subjects.
And then, something happened that's never happened before: I woke up early. I'd had a nightmare I think--something about flunking out of school and disgracing my family and having all of my fangirls tell me I'm ugly and untalented. I woke up sweating, and tossing and turning, tangled up in my sheets. I sat up, trying to remember where the hell I was and why Akito wasn't in the bed next to me. And then the last two years of my life came crashing back into my memory, and I wanted to kill myself.
Even though I knew it was too late to get rid of the calories I'd consumed the night before, I went to the bathroom to throw up--pretending might make me feel better for a little while, I thought.
Nothing much came up, and as I was finishing the attempt, the cat banged on the door and I realized just how early it was. Predictably, he attacked me when I came out, and I hurried back to my room because I suddenly felt sicker than before and the idea of fighting him right then was inconceivable.
I tried to go back to sleep. But the thought that he'd heard me puking was keeping me awake. Why did he have to be there at that exact moment? It's not any of his bussiness what I do. I tried to tell myself I was just upset because he'd been nosy, but the truth is...he caught me at a bad moment. He caught me when I wasn't beautiful.
I don't know how to feel about that.
All I know is, I'm hoping the world will suddenly come to an end.
I couldn't help it. I was upset. I got an A- on my psychology test instead of an A+ because I only studied for three hours, instead of four; I hate that class! I hate psychology. How am I supposed to understand or even care what is going on inside of some nutcase's head? Why are high school students expected to take a class that belongs in a college curriculum? I have enough to worry about in my stressful life, without worrying about things like Displacement Theory and the development of multiple identities. Studying for that class is like studying the guillotine that is to be present at my own execution. I'd really rather not.
When I got the test back, this horrible plummeting feeling took place in my stomach. I thought I was going to puke right there all over the desk in front of my entire fanclub. Somehow, I managed to smile and slip the test into my folder before anybody could see it. I managed to get through the rest of the day acting like everything was fine.
Inwardly, my mind was reeling. Akito's voice was in my head saying, "How could you have failed to remember the thirty-fourth line of that sonnet when we've already gone over it six times? You'll never develop completely if you can't recite poetry that actually means something." My mother's voice was saying, "Bad boy! No cookies until after dinner!" That fangirl's voice was saying, "You think you're better than everyone else, don't you?!" And strangely enough, the stupid cat's voice was in there too, saying, "You think you're so special, but you're really not."
I had to run to the bathroom and throw up everything I'd eaten for lunch. Then, I went home and had two helpings of Miss Honda's cooking--although I knew it would make me gain weight like crazy. I had the urge to puke again afterwards, but I tried not to give in to it because it feels too much like overdosing on painkillers--I'm not sure why.
I went to bed early--I was so depressed that I couldn't even concentrate on my homework, which would normally have been utterly fascinating; it was advanced microbiology, one of my favorite subjects.
And then, something happened that's never happened before: I woke up early. I'd had a nightmare I think--something about flunking out of school and disgracing my family and having all of my fangirls tell me I'm ugly and untalented. I woke up sweating, and tossing and turning, tangled up in my sheets. I sat up, trying to remember where the hell I was and why Akito wasn't in the bed next to me. And then the last two years of my life came crashing back into my memory, and I wanted to kill myself.
Even though I knew it was too late to get rid of the calories I'd consumed the night before, I went to the bathroom to throw up--pretending might make me feel better for a little while, I thought.
Nothing much came up, and as I was finishing the attempt, the cat banged on the door and I realized just how early it was. Predictably, he attacked me when I came out, and I hurried back to my room because I suddenly felt sicker than before and the idea of fighting him right then was inconceivable.
I tried to go back to sleep. But the thought that he'd heard me puking was keeping me awake. Why did he have to be there at that exact moment? It's not any of his bussiness what I do. I tried to tell myself I was just upset because he'd been nosy, but the truth is...he caught me at a bad moment. He caught me when I wasn't beautiful.
I don't know how to feel about that.
All I know is, I'm hoping the world will suddenly come to an end.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
I hate my life.
Once upon a time, there was a boy named Yuki Souma. He was miserable. Because he lived with a knife-happy vindictive little @$$-hole named Akito Souma who had ironically been given ultimate power over every aspect of Yuki's life.
Yuki bemoaned the day of his birth and prayed for his ancestors to send him a hungry dragon to end his painful existence.This did not happen.
Gratefully, Yuki one day reached the limits of his pain-threshold and had a complete mental breakdown. His family decided that it might be kind of a nice thing to do to save what was left of Yuki's delicate sanity by sending him to live with his cousin, Shigure (who was pervy but much less crazy than his other cousin, Akito).
Akito did the one decent thing he'd ever done in his life and agreed to the arrangement.
Once Yuki was well enough to comprehend what had happened to him, he said a prayer of thanksgiving.
And fate turned out to be a bitch after all, because the next day Yuki went to school and a horde of obsessive, hormone-ridden teenage girls instantly "fell in love" with him (Yuki had also been cursed with an obscenely girly, pretty face which for some reason appealed to girls that should have been offended at being less pretty than a boy) and hounded his every step. And made up songs about him. And performed cheers. Badly...
Yuki came home and cried. Because the world really is a cruel place after all and he knows that now.No one can save him.Least of all the Prince Yuki fanclub which is dead-set on worshipping the ground he walks on, but ironically does not know a single thing about him, including...his favorite color.
Don't ask me what that is. You're probably a fangirl. Or an in-the-closet fanboy. Or my out-of-the-closet and in-my-head-in-a-really-creepy-kind-of-way cousin who has for some reason been obsessed with me since I was two and still wearing diapers.
You're trying to find out something about me, aren't you? You're trying to run my life from behind the scenes, right?
Or maybe...you really are an innocent bystander. Congratulations. You are the first.
If you like, you can read about my miserable, boring life. And give me advice that won't apply to my situation but will only serve to make me more aware that somewhere in the world are living a collective mass of human beings that are normal and healthy and capable of living without wanting to cry their eyes out over the stupid, pathetic wrongness of every situation.
I am Yuki Souma.And I hate my life.
You would too, if you were as "perfect" as me.
Yuki bemoaned the day of his birth and prayed for his ancestors to send him a hungry dragon to end his painful existence.This did not happen.
Gratefully, Yuki one day reached the limits of his pain-threshold and had a complete mental breakdown. His family decided that it might be kind of a nice thing to do to save what was left of Yuki's delicate sanity by sending him to live with his cousin, Shigure (who was pervy but much less crazy than his other cousin, Akito).
Akito did the one decent thing he'd ever done in his life and agreed to the arrangement.
Once Yuki was well enough to comprehend what had happened to him, he said a prayer of thanksgiving.
And fate turned out to be a bitch after all, because the next day Yuki went to school and a horde of obsessive, hormone-ridden teenage girls instantly "fell in love" with him (Yuki had also been cursed with an obscenely girly, pretty face which for some reason appealed to girls that should have been offended at being less pretty than a boy) and hounded his every step. And made up songs about him. And performed cheers. Badly...
Yuki came home and cried. Because the world really is a cruel place after all and he knows that now.No one can save him.Least of all the Prince Yuki fanclub which is dead-set on worshipping the ground he walks on, but ironically does not know a single thing about him, including...his favorite color.
Don't ask me what that is. You're probably a fangirl. Or an in-the-closet fanboy. Or my out-of-the-closet and in-my-head-in-a-really-creepy-kind-of-way cousin who has for some reason been obsessed with me since I was two and still wearing diapers.
You're trying to find out something about me, aren't you? You're trying to run my life from behind the scenes, right?
Or maybe...you really are an innocent bystander. Congratulations. You are the first.
If you like, you can read about my miserable, boring life. And give me advice that won't apply to my situation but will only serve to make me more aware that somewhere in the world are living a collective mass of human beings that are normal and healthy and capable of living without wanting to cry their eyes out over the stupid, pathetic wrongness of every situation.
I am Yuki Souma.And I hate my life.
You would too, if you were as "perfect" as me.
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